Yes, it was that type of day. A desperate day. A made-up paddle pop milkshake recipe kind of day.
Two kids. Neither were happy campers, for no other reason that I can gather other than they feel as though their mother is the devil.
Of course I am, I mean, I chose to put together a Lego model with the toddler in the half hour that the infant chooses to cat-nap rather than have a shower. Little did I know the Lego model requires a PHD in physics and a Degree in negotiating with mini-terrorists in order to get out of it alive. What kind of neglectful son-of-a-bootlegger am I?
Then, said Lego model kept spontaneously falling apart. Yeh. I know. DAMN those Lego makers to HELL. Their bl**dy trucks should be able to withstand the force of being buried under a foot of sand and dug out with a mattock or thrown off a balcony because it is actually a truck pretending to be a plane. God if those Lego designers new the pain and tears that their sub-par design caused my child, they would be cowering in shame.
Then. The sleep schedules of both children conflicted, so that infant woke and required resettling when toddler absolutely needed to sleep. In the armed mother forces this is known as a CODE SHIT-HITTING-THE-FAN-MAJORLY.
Cue, overtired, back arching, red faced, blood curdling screaming of infant for an hour or so; and angry, covering his ears, ‘tell him to stop I cant sleep mum’, screaming from toddler for the same hour. And before you know it I’m an unshowered, murderous breathed, dehydrated, starving, ready to make headlines mother wondering where the day went and trying not to register that Ihave to get up and do it all again tomorrow.
So I made us all this to make me feel better. It was seriously good. Try it.
Two chocolate paddlepops, one banana, milk. Whizz in blender. Serve. Silence ….. bliss.